Figuring out how to Live When Planning for the Future is Harder than Ever
Right now I want to learn how to live in the moment when I've spent most of my life planning for the future. I've always thought about what my next step should be, how I can get the best grades, where I'll go to college, what I'll study, and so on. Most of the time it felt as though I was aiming towards something in the future, without sitting down to just allow myself to soak in the moment in a way that makes me feel engaged. Alive.
For a long time planning ahead always felt like the smart thing to do, and it absolutely can be when done in moderation and in the right way. The problem is that with everything that's going on with politics, what AI might do to our job market, and what might happen with the environment, the future feels so uncertain that it's harder to justify spending hours every single day focused solely on working for a future that just feels like a giant question mark.
So then the question becomes, what's worth doing that is focused on the present? There are some things that I know for certain are worth doing, things like talking to friends and loved ones, exercising, watching the sunset, playing with my dog, reading, meditating, even working can feel this way sometimes. But still I catch myself daydreaming about a future that's better than the current moment, which again, isn't always a bad thing, but is constantly thinking ahead a good way to spend my time? What happens to now if my mind is so focused on what doesn't even exist yet?
Something I've been thinking about recently that still blends some of the future in with the present (since it's not like you can just ignore it) is seeing today as part of a larger narrative. If you know what kind of story you want to tell, then each day feels like it is imbued with a sense of purpose. Maybe you view yourself as someone who was meant to create, take care of others, or bring about some level of justice and fairness. I personally hate the idea of turning yourself into the "main character", so this is less about that and more about organizing your life into a story that is aligned with what you care about, and helps you make sense of everything going on around you.
Just as an example, in my middle/early high school days I had dealt with some amount of bullying, toxic friendships, and low self esteem, things that many people deal with around that age. Since I felt particularly down on myself for a while, I eventually decided to go on a journey of self improvement, and that became my narrative. I saw myself as someone who would go from being a somewhat below average student with few hobbies and not great social skills, to being a great student who excelled at whatever they did. At the time, when I embraced this story it really did give each day an extra feeling of adventure and excitement.
The problem is that I have a harder time embracing that as an adult. Self improvement is great, but there's obviously more to life than the self. So there's a new story I need to create here.